A few weeks ago I was doing my annual closet switch, putting the winter gear away and bringing forward the warmer weather clothes. As I opened my lingerie drawer, I realized: there were a few pieces I wear all the time that were getting pretty worn out, and even more pieces in there that I just never wear. Which got me thinking… when was the last time I actually bought myself new underwear? To my surprise/embarrassment I realized I haven’t bought new underwear since 2017!

You can imagine there have been LOTS of changes in life since then. At the time, my body was still in flux from baby #1. Then I had a second kid, and then of course, came 2020. I know I’m not the only one whose body changed during the pandemic, or whose dressing habits changed.

And so, I knew I was in dire need for a lingerie refresh.

However, if you're an infrequent lingerie shopper, it can be a little intimidating to set foot inside a boutique. Even me, a boudoir photographer who tells women every day how beautiful they are (and believes it!) felt nervous! All the more reason, I thought, to practice what I preach. So with all of this in mind, here are 10 tips I’ve learned to make lingerie shopping both easier and more comfortable for you. Because even if you prefer shopping online, nothing can quite compare to the one-on-one expert attention you get from your local lingerie salon.

Before you go, it’s a good idea to take inventory of what you already have. Anything that is saggy, stretched out or has elastics sticking out should automatically be retired. Anything too tight that if feels uncomfortable and anything you haven’t worn in a year should also say goodbye. (Side note: Keep an eye out for bra recycling programs - Sugar Cookies hosts one every March and will donate a bra for every old one you turn in to recycle.)

Look at what you do wear often and consider why. Then, consider what NEED and what you WANT from your shopping experience. Having a plan helps you prioritize when you are at the shop. I was hoping for a good every day bra that still felt special and was interested in getting something that could be worn under a shirt of blazer as a lingerie-as-clothes look.

And with that, I headed out to Sugar Cookies! Here are my 10 best tips for your lingerie shopping experience:

1) Start on the right foot by going to a specialized lingerie boutique, NOT a chain.

You want to work with someone who understands and cares about lingerie, and can spend time getting to know you and your needs. Independant and female owned boutiques are my favorite - who better to help you figure out the ins and outs of undergarments? Also consider your own style when selecting a place to shop - the best boutiques are very well curated and while they will carry a wide selection, they are not necessarily one size fits all. Do your research and be sure the shop you select fits within your style and price point. For example, if you are looking something special, you would want to find a shop that specializes in luxe laces, not tee shirt bras.

2) If you're shopping for a special occasion, like a boudoir shoot, be sure to let the boutique know you’re on your way.

Calling ahead and making an appointment is the best way to ensure a boutique will be ready for you. Sugar Cookies will even hold time if they know when you are coming so you can have a private shopping experience. The team can make sure you have the best experience possible, and perhaps even pre-select a few items for you to try on.

3) Arrive as your best self.

Lingerie requires a certain mood to be truly appreciated. You may not think you’ll want food in your stomach before going lingerie shopping, but trust me, low blood sugar will sabotage your experience (the same goes for your boudoir shoot by the way!) So put on a little lipstick, try not to shop tired or hungover, and eating a light meal or snack before you go shopping. A little self-care beforehand will make the experience much more enjoyable.

4) Show up wearing a nude, low-rise thong or similarly "cheeky" panty when lingerie shopping.

This allows you see how the lingerie would look if you weren't wearing anything underneath, while still maintaining proper hygiene.

5) Don’t stress the sizes

Just like regular clothes, different brands size slightly differently. Some run big and some run small, so my best advise is not to overthink the sizing. My whole life I have considered myself a 32A. The last time I was fitted, I learned that in some brands I was a 30B and in some a 34A… this felt hard to believe but ultimately it just doesn’t matter! So this time around, I let Suzanne bring me lingerie and I didn’t ask or care about the sizes. If it was too small, she’d bring me something bigger and vice versa. It was her job and not mine to determine my size.

6) That said, get a proper bra fitting, especially if it's been over a year since your last one.

No judgement if it’s been awhile - I am the most guilty of this! Time time flies by, life gets crazy and there's a very good chance your body has changed, even slightly, since your last fitting. A well fitting bra is a game changer - you’ll feel the difference physically as well as psychologically, believe me.

7) Try the "scoop and adjust" technique when trying on bras.

This is the only way to be sure your breasts are centered and that the bra fits properly. A sales assistant can show you how to do this if you're unfamiliar with it.

8) Go outside your comfort zone and be honest about what you like.

Lingerie boutiques offer many unique items that you’d never at a regular department store. Don't be afraid to try a new fabric, a new color, or even a new item entirely (corsets and garter belts, anyone?). I’ve recently been into the visible lingerie trend, and where better to test this out? If you’re honest about what you are looking for your sales associate they can make suggestions and bring you something you never would have found on your own. Nervous? Don’t worry, they’ve seen it ALL.

9) Be clear on the store’s return and refund policy before purchasing.

The great thing about shopping in person is that you have a much higher rate of success, and theoretically you won’t be buying something you aren’t sure about. But things happen - I had a client once find out she was pregnant right after she bought. new lingerie, for example. Certain items are always non-returnable, like stockings. Often sale and clearance items are final sale as well. Be wary of boutiques with an "everything is final sale" policy, and understand that some shops will offer store credit only with returns.

10) Remember that it's okay to say "No."

You should never feel pressured into buying something you don’t like. A reputable boutique will always tell you when something doesn't look good on you or fits improperly. Listen to your gut and if you don’t feel your best in a piece at the store, it’s unlikely you’ll feel your best in it back at home. Move on and look for something else.

BONUS TIP: Have fun!

Lingerie shopping can be one of the more enjoyable things in life, especially when you go to the right place. So relax, allow yourself to indulge, and enjoy. I was nervous going in to this experience and I ended up having the best time.

So what did I end up with?

As a mom of 2 comfort is often key, so a soft cup bra is a frequent go-to. Most of mine were too small and digging in to my skin leaving lines behind, so this was on my “need” list. Suzanne helped me find this Simone Perele piece that was soft and comfortable but also had some side boning, which gave me a a little extra “umph” and didn’t make me feel so flat chested.

There was a set from Fleur du Mal that I loved but didn’t come in my size. Taking this as inspiration, Suzanne recommend this Chantelle set. It wasn’t even on the sales floor, so if I wasn’t shopping at a private and specialized boutique I would have missed this. It’s lacy and lightly padded so I can wear it under most outfits feeling confident and subtle sexy. I also got the matching cheeky bottom and felt AMAZING wearing this on my birthday.

Since the Sugar Cookies holiday party I have had my eye on this dark floral nightgown. Luckily there was one left in the shop and even luckier it was in my size. It feels so light and soft, and with a belt I could even wear it as a summertime slip dress. It was a splurge, but I figured it was my birthday and I have literally been thinking about this one for 3 months, so even at a higher price point it was a worthwhile purchase to me. If you love something and feel incredible every time you wear it, it’s a better purchase than something that you feel so-so about it, even if it was “cheaper.” So when shopping for anything really, I try to consider value over the straight up number on the price tag.

I didn’t get a lingerie as outerwear piece on this trip, but now I have something on the “want” list for next time! Do you have tips to lingerie shopping? I'd love to hear it in the comments!

And psst: if you are a lover of lingerie and boudoir, Sugar Cookies NYC and Brooklyn Boudoir are teaming up this summer for a weekend of lingerie, boudoir and NYC fabulousness! Contact me to learn more!