My semi-failed attempt at a birthday self-portrait.
Well, I've officially taken another trip around the sun.
After turning 40 last year, and celebrating in Paris, I thought this year’s birthday would be more or less forgettable. I also thought I’d be celebrating at Le CouCou but neither of those things is happening given the current state of the world (shrugs).
Aging has never been scary to me - I’ve always strongly felt that age is mental. But this is an existential time to be having a birthday - four weeks into our pandemic self-quarantine, schools clothed, homeschooling our little ones, trying to keep businesses afloat, the idea that New York City will be irreversibly changed after this all passes … it’s a lot.
And yet, always a Pollyanna, I can’t help but try to think of the bright side. It’s probably the only time in my life I’ll be able to spend this kind of (semi) uninterrupted time with my kids. Without my usual shoots each week, I’m thinking of new ways to help my clients and keep the business going. I’m not wearing makeup or nail polish to give my skin a break. Many days I feel cooped up and anxious but other days this mandatory break feels full of potential.
This past year went insanely fast - I feel like I was just in Paris. I blame the baby - at 40, I had my second daughter. Now, I don’t have to pump before and after shoots. In fact, a lot of ways this time of COVID-19 feel like maternity leave - before it happens you can’t imagine having the luxury of so much time, you imagine how you are going to learn another language in “all” the time you will have… and then three months goes by and you can count how many times you’ve washed your hair on your fingers.
All I wanted for my birthday was to get a good photo of my new 4 person family together. I don’t know that I succeeded in a “good” photo… but sometimes it’s the outtakes that are the best part. I ate mac and cheese, brownies, burrata, birthday cake and wine. My parents did a surprise drive-by to sign happy birthday. And my incredible girlfriends made me a video of them reciting Maya Angelou’s Phenmonical Woman. I burst into tears several times over the course of the day. It all helped me remember that we don’t need to go out to have connections, we don’t need to make a show to celebrate and be celebrated. The things that are most meaningful are the people you love, and being able to look in the mirror and say, there are ups and there are downs, but hey, I’m doing ok.
But I digress. I still believe that, while I may have aged ten years in the past one year, age really is just a number. I'm really happy with what I've accomplished in my 41 years on earth, while simultaneously wondering how on earth I've gotten this far into adulthood. I love my family, love my friends and am pretty proud of the world I’ve created for myself.
Thank you as always for all of the support and for allowing me to share a bit of my personal life with those who allow me into theirs. Those clients and followers who have sent gifts and greetings::: I genuinely appreciate it more than I can put into words. Making women feel amazing is what makes my job so amazing, and I’m touched when you all return the favor. It makes me feel so special and fulfilled!
And now, the poem Phenomenal Woman, by Maya Angelou, followed by my brilliant friends’ interpretation.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.